I Had a Dream

We lay together. I, propped up on my elbow, looking down into her warm eyes. She, on her back, head upon my forearm, her dark locks draped delicately, framing her tender face. My hand rests on the soft curve of her hip. I am nervous. My emotions are welling up. My loneliness of the past few years having become nearly unbearable. I choke back my fear, I blurt out, “Look, I really like you. I really want to be with you.” Her eyes widen. “Oh no”, I think to myself, “I've ruined it”. Tears form in the corners of her eyes. Her arms wrap around me as an inviting smile traces it's way across her face. “I was hoping you'd say that”, she whispers. My chest expands with life as it fills with love, the empty chasm of my heart stretches beyond it's shriveled confines. Happiness, a feeling quite foreign to me, washes over me, but it is shortly lived.

Her eyes, moments ago, so alive, so adoring, become listless. The softness of her skin melts away, replaced by a courser texture. I desperately cling, I can not let her go! Her visage becomes unclear, her body, a mist. I reach... I grab the nothingness... my heart beats faster, my breathing, short. The emotions... the panic, well up. “NOOOOOOOOOO!” The mist clears, I am laying in my cluttered room, alone, clutching my pillow with all my strength. Realization settles in, I relax my grasp. I sigh deeply as I melt into my bedsheets, stare at the ceiling, and gently sob.

Such is how I woke up this morning. I do not know who this woman was, I just know she seemed perfect. It seems we were involved in the theatre in some regard. I know that I had to tell her how I felt. I know that I was VERY surprised by her response. That's probably because the past decade has turned me into the consummate pessimist. It's easier to take rejection and disappointment if you have no expectations to begin with. Anyway.. this whole experience compelled me to finally write something in this blog I started. Perhaps I'll continue to fill up “The Pisspot” here in the future. I really DO have constant thoughts, despite the barrenness of this blog.

Good day.